On Sharing Our Childhood Failures With Our Children

On Sharing Our Childhood Failures With Our Children

If your child is closed off and avoids you, it could be your fault. (Don’t worry, we can fix it). 😬

The disconnect may be teenage ”hormones” or “boys breaking away” to find their independence, or it could be that they don't connect with you because you haven’t been honest about your story. According to Dr. Daniel J. Seigel’s book Mindsight, sharing your childhood stories with your children offers them the greatest form of security. 😉

Relaying the good, bad (and sometimes ugly), moments of our youth, helps to untangle the stories in our own minds as we share the stories of our low moments in a clear and logical way. As adults, this is therapeutic for us because it allows us to review our childhood moments of guilt and shame with a more compassionate, forgiving, adult point of view. It also helps us forgive our children more quickly when they make mistakes, as it provides us the opportunity for us to “check ourselves” if we still have childish ways of dealing with disappointment. (i.e. losing our tempers 😡 and saying horrible things to people because we are mad🤬...More later). 😅

If you are like me, you have already shared your "good" stories with your children to encourage their good behaviors and to model your own good character. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

That's great, but it's not enough. If they only see us as triumphant with a few bad moments here and there (that are usually portrayed as someone else's fault), they don't have a frame of reference to deal with their own mishaps and private failures. They have to look elsewhere. 🙃

They have to find others beyond their parents (i.e. their friends) to help them navigate their own sense of guilt and shame. This creates a chasm between the parent and child that breeds insecurity and distrust. If it goes unaddressed due to stubborness or passivity, it may result in severe relationship damage.😢💔

As in any other relationship, if you want someone to trust you, you have to risk telling the truth on yourself. Honesty builds bridges to deeper intimacy. 🏗

Let's not be afraid to talk to our children about our childhoods. It will help them connect with us 👥, respect us 🤩, and develop greater intimacy with us 🤗. We will be their “go to person” in their time of need at each stage of life. 👶🏼👧🏽👦🏻👩🏽‍🦱👨🏻‍🦰

Hugs and Love, everyone. 💗

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